Courage...

I heard them arguing, the couple sitting next to us in the restaurant last night.  It pertained to finances and I watched her grow more and more agitated, her tone becoming harsher, her words more unkind as the conversation progressed. 

 

I saw his countenance fall, his face twist downward in anger as he closed his eyes and through clenched teeth asked, “What do you want me to do about it?”

My heart broke for them and I longed to take this woman aside, put my arm around her and share with her a quote that I had read the night before.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.  So at your most fearful, you frighten the people around you.  They, in turn, react aggressively from their own fear.”

I too have felt scared lately, tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.”

   

I have seen this, I have felt it, and I don’t want it.  I don’t want to be scary.  I don’t want to bring out aggression and fear in others.  I want to speak peace.  I want to be the calm in the storm, the soft place to fall.  I want to be more like Him, my Savior.

I want to take the woman from the restaurant aside, put my arm around her and tell her that there’s a way to not be scared, there’s a way to not be scary—He is the way.

  

He is our peace, our calm in the storm, our soft place to fall.  He provides the courage when we want to be scared.  He provides the soft heart and the kind words when we want to be scary.

He can and He will rescue us.  He will help us rise up to be warrior women—women who provide strength to our homes, our children and our relationships—instead of tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure puddles of fear.

He can do it. 

 

But we have to ask.  We have to act.  And we have to believe.

It's a beautiful day...

Today I stared in the mirror and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful.  Sure I've had times in my life when I've thought, "Hey you're looking pretty cute today." But that thought is short lived, needing nothing more than something as simple as walking into a bathroom with florescent lights (you know those bathrooms) to poof me back into Cinderella (the rundown, overworked one).  But today... today I was truly beautiful.

Today I ached, sobbed and pleaded with my Father in Heaven to rescue me from the pain that has taken hold of my chest as of late.  I begged him--promising to do the work required--to help me feel like me again. Then I dried my tears and walked to the mirror where I planned to put on some makeup because I've felt like quite the shlump-a-dinka today.  But when I looked into the mirror I didn't see the 42 (almost 43) year old shlump I had seen only moments before, I saw a daughter of God looking not into a mirror but into the face of her Savior.  My face glowed and softened as I viewed it as if it were through His eyes.  I saw me as He sees me and it was a beauty incomprehensible to this fallen world--though it was still me, all 42 (almost 43) years of me.  An indescribable feeling of peace filled my whole soul as I stared at this woman, this follower of Christ in the mirror and I marveled, unable to look away, unwilling to leave that place of perfection so rare in this very imperfect world.

But I finally did pull myself away.  I pulled myself away that I might share this experience with any who see this.  That I might invite you to look into the mirror and imagine yourself looking into the face of your Savior.  Look at Him, imagine Him looking at you, and forget all of the lies this world would have you believe about yourself because to Him we are all exactly the same and we are all so very, very beautiful.  

Straighten up and fly right...

Today over on "Blissfully Jeanette" I talked about my correspondence with my dear Landon who is currently serving a mission in South Carolina and my sorrow in finding out that he didn't get my email today :(
Well the email that I received from him today was attached to the email that I sent him last week and in reading it again I decided to post some of the thoughts that I shared with him so that I would never forget them. So the following is an excerpt from my--

"Letters to Landon" (which may or may not become an on going feature on this here blog)...

...In the gospel doctrine lesson that Dad taught yesterday we read an account in Luke about a woman "which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself"

Later in the scripture it talks about how the ruler of the synagogue got all bent out of shape because Jesus had healed her on the sabbath and Jesus answered:

"...ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day?"

Well this passage just leapt out at me as we read, "whom Satan hath bound" and I realized that so many of us (if not all of us) are not living the fullness of our missions here upon the earth because Satan has us bound in one way or another. He diminishes who we really are and we believe. The power of our God is so great that if we could only partly comprehend the magnitude of it we would be witnessing and participating in miracles every day of our lives. I know that I have fallen into this spirit of infirmity for far more than eighteen years and I desire so badly to be loosed from it. I take comfort from the words:

"And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her,Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.
And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God."

I am so ready to forsake the lies of the evil one. He has kept me under his deceiving thumb for far too long. I remember when the Spirit asked me a few years ago, "How long are you going to let the father of lies deceive you? How long are you going to let him tell you that you are less than you are?" I know that it is time for me to come unto Christ so completely that He might loose me from these bounds and make me whole that I might go forth and glorify God. I know that there is so much more to this life experience and that most of us just live our lives simply scratching the surface of it all. I want to do more and I know that I can do more through Christ Jesus who strengtheneth me.

After the Spirit asked me those questions some years ago, he then said, "Walk with boldness. You are a daughter of God and as a daughter of God you can do anything." Wow, what a promise. And I know that it is true. Because of our Savior and His infinite atonement, we can do anything. The promised blessings that await us are mind blowing. What an opportunity we have been given by a loving Father. Oh how I hope to live up to it...

And thus ends this installment of "Letters to Landon".
And now I must go, for there is much work to be done if I'm ever to become all that I desire to
be.

There might be hope afterall...

The Lord shows unto us our weaknesses that they may become our strengths. This I know and this I LOVE. Because without this how could we ever hope to progress.

In discussing this yesterday, my fabulous husband says to me, "You don't have any weaknesses." To which I answered with a guttural, push through closed lips, "Puh" of "Yeah you are so wrong" air. Then my mind wandered to a conversation that happened earlier that day with my dear Miss Marlee.

Here's the set up...

There is a child, a neighbor child, who, um... how do I say this nicely?... annoys me to no end. Marlee knows of this annoyance because she sees it ripple off of my head in large fuming waves every time this small person pays us a visit.

So yesterday I say to her, "I'll know that I truly have a Christ-like heart when this child no longer annoys me. Yes on that day there will be hope for me."

Then sweet Marlee says, "Mom, that's never gonna happen."

And I say, "You're right I'm doomed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I tell Rick during our conversation that I do indeed have weaknesses one of which being that I don't have enough love and charity for others.

He says, "Of course you do."

I say, "No, not enough."

Then I prayed. Later that afternoon when I found a quiet moment to myself I prayed. I prayed for the help of my Savior that through him my heart could be changed.

Moments later the annoying child approached me, as he often does, and opened his mouth to talk to me or whine at me (I'm never sure which it will be) as he often does, but stopped--mid sentence--and threw his arms around me instead.

He threw his arms around me and I sincerely hugged him back then said, "Thank you for giving me that hug. That was really nice of you." He walked away beaming and I went with quiet tears streaming down my face and thanked my Father in Heaven for His tender mercy in teaching me so quickly, for showing me His power to change hearts, and for giving me a small example of how it feels to love as His son loveth.

And you know, it is through that love--that tender, PATIENT, perfect love of my Savior-- that I just might find hope for me yet.

Good is coming...

I didn't know if I'd ever make it back to this blog.
Actually that isn't true. I always knew I would someday get back

1) because I remember hearing how important it is to keep a spiritual journal along with your everyday journal. And

2) Mary over at blogrock made this blog too dang cute to ignore forever.

I think I just needed to step back for awhile and decide where I wanted to go with this. And what I decided is that I don't need this to be a regular blog with a picture for every post and what-not. I simply need this to be a place for me to write down certain thoughts and experiences that teach and bless me in my life so I won't forget them.

Right now I'm going through a learning experience that is somewhat exciting for me. Exciting in that I know at the end of this journey lies the answer to a gut wrenching pain that occasionally resides in the pit of my belly.

This past weekend it was particularly bad. I literally felt like someone was standing on my chest. "What is this about?" I wondered. "Why do I feel this way about this situation?" I didn't understand where my feelings were coming from or how to fix them so I went to the Lord.

I told Him everything that I was experiencing and sought His help to find the answers. And this is where the exciting part comes in...
I received confirmation that if I continue to counsel with Him those answers will come. Apparently I still have things to learn, perhaps even things to do to resolve my internal conflict. I've tried to figure this out on my own for years, only to continually crash and burn with my own ideas of how this should be resolved.

My Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ know exactly what I need to do to fix this and if I'm humble, teachable and patient they will lead me to that knowledge.

I know this because when a woman in my Relief Society class at church on Sunday shared a situation she had been through and told of a scripture she had been lead to that helped her, the spirit told me that it was for me. I listened closely and was blown away. What beautiful words. What a beautiful promise. It gave me hope that my situation does have an answer and that in time it will be resolved.
Exciting.

P.S. If you ever feel prompted to share a thought, scripture or experience in church class or elsewhere, DO IT. You never know when the Lord might be using you as a vehicle to help someone else.

And for those who don't know...
Bliss is where my regular blogging action takes place.
Feel free to check it out if you'd like by clicking on the button below.

Hey, I think I can do this...

(I found this handy-dandy stationary kit in the Valley of the Sun at a yard sale on Saturday. Love it, love yard sales, love the Valley of the Sun. So fun.)

Yesterday I had the opportunity to teach from the conference talk, "What Have I Done for Someone Today?" by President Thomas S Monson. The title of his talk comes from a story he shares about a father who would ask his children each night around the dinner table, "And what did you do for someone today?" In anticipation of this question, the children were determined to do a good deed everyday so that they could report to their father that they had helped someone.

I love this. I think I'll start practicing this in my own home. Of course this means that I too will have to do something for someone each day. Do you think I can do it? Hmm, I guess it will be fun to try. Because as President Monson says:

"The needs of others are ever present, and each of us can do something to help someone."

Something to help someone. Okay, I think I can do this.

He says:

"We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us."

He then goes on to say:

"You may lament: I can barely make it through each day, doing all that I need to do. How can I provide service for others? What can I possibly do?"

Boy do I lament this way. Especially with the question, "What can I possibly do?" In trying to answer this for myself I recently found this bit of advice:

"Decide what it is that impresses you and you will then know what to do to impress others."

One kind act from others that impresses me is receiving thoughtful cards and letters in the mail. I feel so loved and appreciated when someone takes the time to do this for me. And guess what, this is something I can do for someone else--right now--today. How fun is that?

Maybe this giving service thing won't be so hard after all.

P.S. I'm also impressed by gifts of food especially of the sweet tooth variety (or cheese balls. My neighbor makes a mean cheese ball) and guess what, I love to make dessert. It's my favorite thing ever. Wow, I REALLY think I can do this.

And what did you do for someone today?

Taking a spring break, break...

It's spring break it is. So I'm busy, busy. And on top of that I have to teach at church on Sunday so I'm busy, busier.

So I'll have to come back with more words next week sometime, perhaps some words from the lesson I'm preparing for Sunday. It's good stuff I tell you. Good, good stuff.