Today I stared in the mirror and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. Sure I've had times in my life when I've thought, "Hey you're looking pretty cute today." But that thought is short lived, needing nothing more than something as simple as walking into a bathroom with florescent lights (you know those bathrooms) to poof me back into Cinderella (the rundown, overworked one). But today... today I was truly beautiful.
Today I ached, sobbed and pleaded with my Father in Heaven to rescue me from the pain that has taken hold of my chest as of late. I begged him--promising to do the work required--to help me feel like me again. Then I dried my tears and walked to the mirror where I planned to put on some makeup because I've felt like quite the shlump-a-dinka today. But when I looked into the mirror I didn't see the 42 (almost 43) year old shlump I had seen only moments before, I saw a daughter of God looking not into a mirror but into the face of her Savior. My face glowed and softened as I viewed it as if it were through His eyes. I saw me as He sees me and it was a beauty incomprehensible to this fallen world--though it was still me, all 42 (almost 43) years of me. An indescribable feeling of peace filled my whole soul as I stared at this woman, this follower of Christ in the mirror and I marveled, unable to look away, unwilling to leave that place of perfection so rare in this very imperfect world.
Jeanette, I'm sorry that you've been feeling so much pain lately, but glad that you had that experience. So often when I read your blog, I wish we lived next-door to each other so I could come over and talk to you. Because even though I'm sure our experiences are very different, our feelings about things are so much the same in so many ways. I feel like I got thrown into the refiner's fire a few years ago and the last few months it's been burning particularly hot. Not that I don't have so many, many blessings and so much to be grateful for, but I (we--my family) have been thrown some serious challenges and it can be really, really hard sometimes. I, too, want to feel like me again but I'm pretty sure that "me" is being changed so much I never will. I know the changes are good, and the hard times are worth it, but I'm not sure I can see it yet, like you are describing. But it gives me hope. So thanks for posting. And you are so very beautiful--all of us that know you can see it clearly.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this beautiful insight and reminder of who we are in the eyes of the Savior and who we should and can be to ourselves. It is so easy to forget....
ReplyDeleteDo you mind if I share this with others who need this too?