The Whole Truth...

Those who know me well know that this is my all time favorite painting.  It has been since the moment I first saw it.  For that is me lying there in that makeshift tent and that is my Savior beckoning me to come out and be whole.

Wilt thou be made whole?

This question recently penetrated my heart in a way I had never before felt.

Wilt thou be made whole?

The Savior's atoning sacrifice offers wholeness--COMPLETE WHOLENESS--as soon as we are ready to receive it.

This past year I've been on a journey of receiving, and now I walk in a state of joy that is unspeakable and full of glory.

I still have tests, trials and difficult moments but the clarity that accompanies those moments is priceless.

I have truly been made whole through my Savior Jesus Christ. 

He now beckons me to come out and share my story.

I'll take his hand and try.

Rise and Walk...

(Problem solved.  Now the baby bun isn't possible)

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? ~Matthew 7:8-11

When I received my gift of clarity and truth in the temple, this scripture came to my mind.  I marveled at how glorious our Heavenly Father's gifts to us can be.  

Upon returning from the temple I rejoiced in the gift and glowed all day.

But we are living in a fallen world, a world filled with deception, and I on occasion have had to be reminded of my gift.

When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.~John 5: 6,8

I have come to understand that healing takes place through belief and action.  The scriptures tell us that our faith will make us whole.

Our faith in God's love and our faith in His words will make us whole.  The Lord speaks truth, His promises are sure, but it is up to us to receive that truth.

If the Lord says to me "Rise, take up thy bed, and walk." And I begin to doubt and lean unto the understanding of man, I will fall back down, giving power to my infirmity.

When He asks, "Wilt thou be made whole?"  He is giving me the opportunity to be made whole through His power, but I have to receive it.  I have to accept the gift or it is made void.

The gift I received in the temple has not made me perfect, but it has provided an escape route back to wholeness when I begin to stumble.  When I am drawn into the deception of this world the words of my gift come back to my mind, "You will see yourself only through the eyes of truth.."

And...

I take up my bed and walk.

Lessons From a Haircut...

 

 (I cut my hair because I'm always pulling it up--but old habits die hard. Now I just have a baby bun instead.  Silly child.)

 

 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. ~Matthew 5:8

This is one of my favorite scriptures.  The attribute I most desire to master in my life.  I want to be pure in heart so I can see God.

I want to "see" Him in myself so I will walk with boldness and strength.

I want to "see" Him in others so I will love unconditionally and never judge.

I want to "see" Him in everything so that I will know that all is designed for my profit and learning.

Going to the temple is the perfect gauge for me to discover how I'm doing in the pure in heart department.  I study my mind wanderings to see where my heart lies at the time.

While attending the temple on Saturday my mind kept wandering to the thought that I had just chopped all of my hair off.  "Why did I chop off my hair?"  The question plagued me, pulling me away from the peace and light that surrounded me.  "Who cares?!" I'd tell myself.  "This is your time to be instructed by the Lord."

"I wish I hadn't done that."

"That was dumb of me."

"Really, what was I thinking?"

On and on it went.  Pulling me away.  Blocking my peace.  "Father please forgive me."  I'd pray.  "My heart is truly set too much on the things of this world.  Please forgive me and help me rejoice in your light."

After much prayer and much humility the answer came, penetrating my heart and making me weep. "You will only see yourself through the eyes of truth from this day forward."

What?  I could scarcely believe it.

"You will be blessed to only see yourself through the eyes of truth."  I heard it again.

I was overcome with joy and asked if I could also see others only through the eyes of truth.

And guess what...

Everyone is SO BEAUTIFUL!

The Gloves Are Coming Off...

It was while scrubbing my shower this morning that the thought flowed through me, "There are many people on the other side who love you very much."  I then thought of all of those on the other side who do love me.  I saw my Grandpa's face and felt empowered by the army of loved ones buoying me up each day.

My phone rang and after a nice conversation with my dearest love I lay back and thought more about my army of loved ones.  I thought of my Grandma and smiled as I remembered a time she showed me the burn scars on her fingers and said, "These really suck."  She was in the early stages of Alzheimer's and my sister and I giggled at hearing her use the word "suck".

Remembering that story I whispered, "You understand don't you Grandma?  You understand what it feels like to be a woman.  To be so hard on yourself and to continuously believe that something about you sucks."

It was then that her love washed over me and I sobbed in her warm embrace.

I opened my eyes and marveled as the ceiling above me seemed to expand higher and higher opening to a feeling of vast limitlessness. Then I heard my Grandma say, "If you had any idea of who you really are, you would never waiver. If you KNEW who you really are..."

I sobbed and trembled as her words penetrated my soul and I knew at that moment that I was sent here for a great purpose, a purpose worth fighting for.  So I will fight.  I will fight everyday to overcome the deceptions of this world.  Deceptions that put such life-shattering, debilitating false value on things that are of no worth.  I will fight to not become ensnared by it.  I will fight to walk uprightly with boldness and power.  And I will fight to always remember who I really am-- because apparently I'm pretty special.

My Grandma told me so.



   

Courage...

I heard them arguing, the couple sitting next to us in the restaurant last night.  It pertained to finances and I watched her grow more and more agitated, her tone becoming harsher, her words more unkind as the conversation progressed. 

 

I saw his countenance fall, his face twist downward in anger as he closed his eyes and through clenched teeth asked, “What do you want me to do about it?”

My heart broke for them and I longed to take this woman aside, put my arm around her and share with her a quote that I had read the night before.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.  So at your most fearful, you frighten the people around you.  They, in turn, react aggressively from their own fear.”

I too have felt scared lately, tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.”

   

I have seen this, I have felt it, and I don’t want it.  I don’t want to be scary.  I don’t want to bring out aggression and fear in others.  I want to speak peace.  I want to be the calm in the storm, the soft place to fall.  I want to be more like Him, my Savior.

I want to take the woman from the restaurant aside, put my arm around her and tell her that there’s a way to not be scared, there’s a way to not be scary—He is the way.

  

He is our peace, our calm in the storm, our soft place to fall.  He provides the courage when we want to be scared.  He provides the soft heart and the kind words when we want to be scary.

He can and He will rescue us.  He will help us rise up to be warrior women—women who provide strength to our homes, our children and our relationships—instead of tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure puddles of fear.

He can do it. 

 

But we have to ask.  We have to act.  And we have to believe.

It's a beautiful day...

Today I stared in the mirror and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful.  Sure I've had times in my life when I've thought, "Hey you're looking pretty cute today." But that thought is short lived, needing nothing more than something as simple as walking into a bathroom with florescent lights (you know those bathrooms) to poof me back into Cinderella (the rundown, overworked one).  But today... today I was truly beautiful.

Today I ached, sobbed and pleaded with my Father in Heaven to rescue me from the pain that has taken hold of my chest as of late.  I begged him--promising to do the work required--to help me feel like me again. Then I dried my tears and walked to the mirror where I planned to put on some makeup because I've felt like quite the shlump-a-dinka today.  But when I looked into the mirror I didn't see the 42 (almost 43) year old shlump I had seen only moments before, I saw a daughter of God looking not into a mirror but into the face of her Savior.  My face glowed and softened as I viewed it as if it were through His eyes.  I saw me as He sees me and it was a beauty incomprehensible to this fallen world--though it was still me, all 42 (almost 43) years of me.  An indescribable feeling of peace filled my whole soul as I stared at this woman, this follower of Christ in the mirror and I marveled, unable to look away, unwilling to leave that place of perfection so rare in this very imperfect world.

But I finally did pull myself away.  I pulled myself away that I might share this experience with any who see this.  That I might invite you to look into the mirror and imagine yourself looking into the face of your Savior.  Look at Him, imagine Him looking at you, and forget all of the lies this world would have you believe about yourself because to Him we are all exactly the same and we are all so very, very beautiful.  

Straighten up and fly right...

Today over on "Blissfully Jeanette" I talked about my correspondence with my dear Landon who is currently serving a mission in South Carolina and my sorrow in finding out that he didn't get my email today :(
Well the email that I received from him today was attached to the email that I sent him last week and in reading it again I decided to post some of the thoughts that I shared with him so that I would never forget them. So the following is an excerpt from my--

"Letters to Landon" (which may or may not become an on going feature on this here blog)...

...In the gospel doctrine lesson that Dad taught yesterday we read an account in Luke about a woman "which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself"

Later in the scripture it talks about how the ruler of the synagogue got all bent out of shape because Jesus had healed her on the sabbath and Jesus answered:

"...ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day?"

Well this passage just leapt out at me as we read, "whom Satan hath bound" and I realized that so many of us (if not all of us) are not living the fullness of our missions here upon the earth because Satan has us bound in one way or another. He diminishes who we really are and we believe. The power of our God is so great that if we could only partly comprehend the magnitude of it we would be witnessing and participating in miracles every day of our lives. I know that I have fallen into this spirit of infirmity for far more than eighteen years and I desire so badly to be loosed from it. I take comfort from the words:

"And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her,Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.
And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God."

I am so ready to forsake the lies of the evil one. He has kept me under his deceiving thumb for far too long. I remember when the Spirit asked me a few years ago, "How long are you going to let the father of lies deceive you? How long are you going to let him tell you that you are less than you are?" I know that it is time for me to come unto Christ so completely that He might loose me from these bounds and make me whole that I might go forth and glorify God. I know that there is so much more to this life experience and that most of us just live our lives simply scratching the surface of it all. I want to do more and I know that I can do more through Christ Jesus who strengtheneth me.

After the Spirit asked me those questions some years ago, he then said, "Walk with boldness. You are a daughter of God and as a daughter of God you can do anything." Wow, what a promise. And I know that it is true. Because of our Savior and His infinite atonement, we can do anything. The promised blessings that await us are mind blowing. What an opportunity we have been given by a loving Father. Oh how I hope to live up to it...

And thus ends this installment of "Letters to Landon".
And now I must go, for there is much work to be done if I'm ever to become all that I desire to
be.

There might be hope afterall...

The Lord shows unto us our weaknesses that they may become our strengths. This I know and this I LOVE. Because without this how could we ever hope to progress.

In discussing this yesterday, my fabulous husband says to me, "You don't have any weaknesses." To which I answered with a guttural, push through closed lips, "Puh" of "Yeah you are so wrong" air. Then my mind wandered to a conversation that happened earlier that day with my dear Miss Marlee.

Here's the set up...

There is a child, a neighbor child, who, um... how do I say this nicely?... annoys me to no end. Marlee knows of this annoyance because she sees it ripple off of my head in large fuming waves every time this small person pays us a visit.

So yesterday I say to her, "I'll know that I truly have a Christ-like heart when this child no longer annoys me. Yes on that day there will be hope for me."

Then sweet Marlee says, "Mom, that's never gonna happen."

And I say, "You're right I'm doomed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I tell Rick during our conversation that I do indeed have weaknesses one of which being that I don't have enough love and charity for others.

He says, "Of course you do."

I say, "No, not enough."

Then I prayed. Later that afternoon when I found a quiet moment to myself I prayed. I prayed for the help of my Savior that through him my heart could be changed.

Moments later the annoying child approached me, as he often does, and opened his mouth to talk to me or whine at me (I'm never sure which it will be) as he often does, but stopped--mid sentence--and threw his arms around me instead.

He threw his arms around me and I sincerely hugged him back then said, "Thank you for giving me that hug. That was really nice of you." He walked away beaming and I went with quiet tears streaming down my face and thanked my Father in Heaven for His tender mercy in teaching me so quickly, for showing me His power to change hearts, and for giving me a small example of how it feels to love as His son loveth.

And you know, it is through that love--that tender, PATIENT, perfect love of my Savior-- that I just might find hope for me yet.

Good is coming...

I didn't know if I'd ever make it back to this blog.
Actually that isn't true. I always knew I would someday get back

1) because I remember hearing how important it is to keep a spiritual journal along with your everyday journal. And

2) Mary over at blogrock made this blog too dang cute to ignore forever.

I think I just needed to step back for awhile and decide where I wanted to go with this. And what I decided is that I don't need this to be a regular blog with a picture for every post and what-not. I simply need this to be a place for me to write down certain thoughts and experiences that teach and bless me in my life so I won't forget them.

Right now I'm going through a learning experience that is somewhat exciting for me. Exciting in that I know at the end of this journey lies the answer to a gut wrenching pain that occasionally resides in the pit of my belly.

This past weekend it was particularly bad. I literally felt like someone was standing on my chest. "What is this about?" I wondered. "Why do I feel this way about this situation?" I didn't understand where my feelings were coming from or how to fix them so I went to the Lord.

I told Him everything that I was experiencing and sought His help to find the answers. And this is where the exciting part comes in...
I received confirmation that if I continue to counsel with Him those answers will come. Apparently I still have things to learn, perhaps even things to do to resolve my internal conflict. I've tried to figure this out on my own for years, only to continually crash and burn with my own ideas of how this should be resolved.

My Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ know exactly what I need to do to fix this and if I'm humble, teachable and patient they will lead me to that knowledge.

I know this because when a woman in my Relief Society class at church on Sunday shared a situation she had been through and told of a scripture she had been lead to that helped her, the spirit told me that it was for me. I listened closely and was blown away. What beautiful words. What a beautiful promise. It gave me hope that my situation does have an answer and that in time it will be resolved.
Exciting.

P.S. If you ever feel prompted to share a thought, scripture or experience in church class or elsewhere, DO IT. You never know when the Lord might be using you as a vehicle to help someone else.

And for those who don't know...
Bliss is where my regular blogging action takes place.
Feel free to check it out if you'd like by clicking on the button below.

Hey, I think I can do this...

(I found this handy-dandy stationary kit in the Valley of the Sun at a yard sale on Saturday. Love it, love yard sales, love the Valley of the Sun. So fun.)

Yesterday I had the opportunity to teach from the conference talk, "What Have I Done for Someone Today?" by President Thomas S Monson. The title of his talk comes from a story he shares about a father who would ask his children each night around the dinner table, "And what did you do for someone today?" In anticipation of this question, the children were determined to do a good deed everyday so that they could report to their father that they had helped someone.

I love this. I think I'll start practicing this in my own home. Of course this means that I too will have to do something for someone each day. Do you think I can do it? Hmm, I guess it will be fun to try. Because as President Monson says:

"The needs of others are ever present, and each of us can do something to help someone."

Something to help someone. Okay, I think I can do this.

He says:

"We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness—be they family members, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us."

He then goes on to say:

"You may lament: I can barely make it through each day, doing all that I need to do. How can I provide service for others? What can I possibly do?"

Boy do I lament this way. Especially with the question, "What can I possibly do?" In trying to answer this for myself I recently found this bit of advice:

"Decide what it is that impresses you and you will then know what to do to impress others."

One kind act from others that impresses me is receiving thoughtful cards and letters in the mail. I feel so loved and appreciated when someone takes the time to do this for me. And guess what, this is something I can do for someone else--right now--today. How fun is that?

Maybe this giving service thing won't be so hard after all.

P.S. I'm also impressed by gifts of food especially of the sweet tooth variety (or cheese balls. My neighbor makes a mean cheese ball) and guess what, I love to make dessert. It's my favorite thing ever. Wow, I REALLY think I can do this.

And what did you do for someone today?

Taking a spring break, break...

It's spring break it is. So I'm busy, busy. And on top of that I have to teach at church on Sunday so I'm busy, busier.

So I'll have to come back with more words next week sometime, perhaps some words from the lesson I'm preparing for Sunday. It's good stuff I tell you. Good, good stuff.

What joy this sentence gives...

There's been a bit of a controversy going on over at the lovely Housewife Savant's blog about her desire to un-follow someone. In a response to the controversy she wrote a hilarious post that you can read here. Love Housewife Savant.

In her very funny post she mentioned me as one of the "Christian" bloggers. This made me smile and got me thinking. So often in my life I question just who I am and what my life is really about and that word sums it up for me in a way that brings great comfort. I am a Christian.

I have always loved my Savior. For as long as I can remember He has been a very important part of my life. But it was when He literally saved my life that I came to understand the magnitude of His love for me. I hope to someday share with you the experiences that have brought me to an absolute knowledge that my Savior lives and that His Atoning sacrifice can truly make any who come unto Him whole and happy.

Yes, I am a Christian.
And as long as I remember that,
I'll be just fine.

Lets be friends...

"My great enthusiasm is to give a party at which everybody should meet everybody else and like them very much."

An Invitation

Mr. Gilbert Chesterton

requests the pleasure

of Humanity's Company

to tea on Dec 25th 1896

*

~G.K. Chesterton, journal entry when he was 22 years old

Shh...

(My finger is ready for St Patty's Day after making green oreos this morning)

They are an honest people; they never speak well of each other.
~ Dr. Samuel Johnson's tribute to the Irish

Which leads us to the age old question,
Which is better, to be honest or to be nice?

I think the ultimate goal for all of us is to get to a point in our lives where we are HONESTLY NICE. Where we learn to have enough love, empathy and compassion for one another that we only focus on the good and let out a big sigh of relief that it is not our place to judge and never was. Whew. Without judgement we are free to HONESTLY LOVE.

How nice.

Okay, I'll try...

In a recent struggle to know if I was following the right counsel concerning one of my children, fear tormented me, clouding my mind. It was then that I was reminded, “The spirit [of God] will never guide through fear.” This reminder helped me to be aware of when fear was controlling my thoughts. At these moments I would try to calm down and clear my mind so that I could be more in tune to what my Father in Heaven wanted me to hear.
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It was also during this time that I began to think that I must be the stupidest person alive for not knowing how to best care for my child. It was then that I was told, “The spirit will never call you stupid.” It was a powerful reminder that this type of thinking was not from God.
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And now as I begin this new blog I find myself being plagued yet again, for reasons that I can’t begin to explain, with feelings of fear and inadequacy. “Who am I to think I can do this?” I have asked myself. “I’m nobody.” And once again, as clearly as it came to me before, I heard the reassuring voice, “The spirit will never tell you that you are nobody.”
.
So here I am. Me. And though there will always be times when I struggle with fear and feelings of being a big ol’ stupid nobody, I will continue to fight through it because I know, deep down I know, that I’m a very important somebody in the eyes of my God.
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And guess what...
so are you.

Time to reconnect...

I did it. I started another blog.
To sum up why I need this new project in my life I direct you to one of my favorite poems (found in O magazine).
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Prayer
By Marie Howe
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Every day I want to speak with you. And every day something more important calls for my attention -- the drugstore, the beauty products, the luggage

I need to buy for the trip. Even now I can hardly sit here
among the falling piles of paper and clothing, the garbage trucks outside already screeching and banging.

The mystics say you are as close as my own breath. Why do I flee from you?
My days and nights pour through me like complaints and become a story I forgot to tell.

Help me. Even as I write these words I am planning to rise from the chair as soon as I finish this sentence.
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Love this poem. So sad that it's so true. And in an attempt to combat that feeling of being pulled in every direction but the one I need the very most, I give myself (and any of y’all who want to come along) “Words For This Day”.
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Words For This Day will be a blog full ‘o inspiration, strength and happiness. Words For This Day will be a mini daily devotional for myself and anyone else who wants to share in my…um…words for this day (compiled from the words of other more brilliant and spectacular people than I of course).
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Posting everyday will be the hard part, but everyday is what I need so everyday is what I’ll shoot for (not sure about the weekends yet, but we’ll see).
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Wish me luck.