The Whole Truth...

Those who know me well know that this is my all time favorite painting.  It has been since the moment I first saw it.  For that is me lying there in that makeshift tent and that is my Savior beckoning me to come out and be whole.

Wilt thou be made whole?

This question recently penetrated my heart in a way I had never before felt.

Wilt thou be made whole?

The Savior's atoning sacrifice offers wholeness--COMPLETE WHOLENESS--as soon as we are ready to receive it.

This past year I've been on a journey of receiving, and now I walk in a state of joy that is unspeakable and full of glory.

I still have tests, trials and difficult moments but the clarity that accompanies those moments is priceless.

I have truly been made whole through my Savior Jesus Christ. 

He now beckons me to come out and share my story.

I'll take his hand and try.

Rise and Walk...

(Problem solved.  Now the baby bun isn't possible)

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? ~Matthew 7:8-11

When I received my gift of clarity and truth in the temple, this scripture came to my mind.  I marveled at how glorious our Heavenly Father's gifts to us can be.  

Upon returning from the temple I rejoiced in the gift and glowed all day.

But we are living in a fallen world, a world filled with deception, and I on occasion have had to be reminded of my gift.

When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.~John 5: 6,8

I have come to understand that healing takes place through belief and action.  The scriptures tell us that our faith will make us whole.

Our faith in God's love and our faith in His words will make us whole.  The Lord speaks truth, His promises are sure, but it is up to us to receive that truth.

If the Lord says to me "Rise, take up thy bed, and walk." And I begin to doubt and lean unto the understanding of man, I will fall back down, giving power to my infirmity.

When He asks, "Wilt thou be made whole?"  He is giving me the opportunity to be made whole through His power, but I have to receive it.  I have to accept the gift or it is made void.

The gift I received in the temple has not made me perfect, but it has provided an escape route back to wholeness when I begin to stumble.  When I am drawn into the deception of this world the words of my gift come back to my mind, "You will see yourself only through the eyes of truth.."

And...

I take up my bed and walk.

Lessons From a Haircut...

 

 (I cut my hair because I'm always pulling it up--but old habits die hard. Now I just have a baby bun instead.  Silly child.)

 

 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. ~Matthew 5:8

This is one of my favorite scriptures.  The attribute I most desire to master in my life.  I want to be pure in heart so I can see God.

I want to "see" Him in myself so I will walk with boldness and strength.

I want to "see" Him in others so I will love unconditionally and never judge.

I want to "see" Him in everything so that I will know that all is designed for my profit and learning.

Going to the temple is the perfect gauge for me to discover how I'm doing in the pure in heart department.  I study my mind wanderings to see where my heart lies at the time.

While attending the temple on Saturday my mind kept wandering to the thought that I had just chopped all of my hair off.  "Why did I chop off my hair?"  The question plagued me, pulling me away from the peace and light that surrounded me.  "Who cares?!" I'd tell myself.  "This is your time to be instructed by the Lord."

"I wish I hadn't done that."

"That was dumb of me."

"Really, what was I thinking?"

On and on it went.  Pulling me away.  Blocking my peace.  "Father please forgive me."  I'd pray.  "My heart is truly set too much on the things of this world.  Please forgive me and help me rejoice in your light."

After much prayer and much humility the answer came, penetrating my heart and making me weep. "You will only see yourself through the eyes of truth from this day forward."

What?  I could scarcely believe it.

"You will be blessed to only see yourself through the eyes of truth."  I heard it again.

I was overcome with joy and asked if I could also see others only through the eyes of truth.

And guess what...

Everyone is SO BEAUTIFUL!

The Gloves Are Coming Off...

It was while scrubbing my shower this morning that the thought flowed through me, "There are many people on the other side who love you very much."  I then thought of all of those on the other side who do love me.  I saw my Grandpa's face and felt empowered by the army of loved ones buoying me up each day.

My phone rang and after a nice conversation with my dearest love I lay back and thought more about my army of loved ones.  I thought of my Grandma and smiled as I remembered a time she showed me the burn scars on her fingers and said, "These really suck."  She was in the early stages of Alzheimer's and my sister and I giggled at hearing her use the word "suck".

Remembering that story I whispered, "You understand don't you Grandma?  You understand what it feels like to be a woman.  To be so hard on yourself and to continuously believe that something about you sucks."

It was then that her love washed over me and I sobbed in her warm embrace.

I opened my eyes and marveled as the ceiling above me seemed to expand higher and higher opening to a feeling of vast limitlessness. Then I heard my Grandma say, "If you had any idea of who you really are, you would never waiver. If you KNEW who you really are..."

I sobbed and trembled as her words penetrated my soul and I knew at that moment that I was sent here for a great purpose, a purpose worth fighting for.  So I will fight.  I will fight everyday to overcome the deceptions of this world.  Deceptions that put such life-shattering, debilitating false value on things that are of no worth.  I will fight to not become ensnared by it.  I will fight to walk uprightly with boldness and power.  And I will fight to always remember who I really am-- because apparently I'm pretty special.

My Grandma told me so.



   

Courage...

I heard them arguing, the couple sitting next to us in the restaurant last night.  It pertained to finances and I watched her grow more and more agitated, her tone becoming harsher, her words more unkind as the conversation progressed. 

 

I saw his countenance fall, his face twist downward in anger as he closed his eyes and through clenched teeth asked, “What do you want me to do about it?”

My heart broke for them and I longed to take this woman aside, put my arm around her and share with her a quote that I had read the night before.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.  So at your most fearful, you frighten the people around you.  They, in turn, react aggressively from their own fear.”

I too have felt scared lately, tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure.

“When we’re scared, we’re scary.”

   

I have seen this, I have felt it, and I don’t want it.  I don’t want to be scary.  I don’t want to bring out aggression and fear in others.  I want to speak peace.  I want to be the calm in the storm, the soft place to fall.  I want to be more like Him, my Savior.

I want to take the woman from the restaurant aside, put my arm around her and tell her that there’s a way to not be scared, there’s a way to not be scary—He is the way.

  

He is our peace, our calm in the storm, our soft place to fall.  He provides the courage when we want to be scared.  He provides the soft heart and the kind words when we want to be scary.

He can and He will rescue us.  He will help us rise up to be warrior women—women who provide strength to our homes, our children and our relationships—instead of tied up in knots, unhappy, unsure puddles of fear.

He can do it. 

 

But we have to ask.  We have to act.  And we have to believe.

It's a beautiful day...

Today I stared in the mirror and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful.  Sure I've had times in my life when I've thought, "Hey you're looking pretty cute today." But that thought is short lived, needing nothing more than something as simple as walking into a bathroom with florescent lights (you know those bathrooms) to poof me back into Cinderella (the rundown, overworked one).  But today... today I was truly beautiful.

Today I ached, sobbed and pleaded with my Father in Heaven to rescue me from the pain that has taken hold of my chest as of late.  I begged him--promising to do the work required--to help me feel like me again. Then I dried my tears and walked to the mirror where I planned to put on some makeup because I've felt like quite the shlump-a-dinka today.  But when I looked into the mirror I didn't see the 42 (almost 43) year old shlump I had seen only moments before, I saw a daughter of God looking not into a mirror but into the face of her Savior.  My face glowed and softened as I viewed it as if it were through His eyes.  I saw me as He sees me and it was a beauty incomprehensible to this fallen world--though it was still me, all 42 (almost 43) years of me.  An indescribable feeling of peace filled my whole soul as I stared at this woman, this follower of Christ in the mirror and I marveled, unable to look away, unwilling to leave that place of perfection so rare in this very imperfect world.

But I finally did pull myself away.  I pulled myself away that I might share this experience with any who see this.  That I might invite you to look into the mirror and imagine yourself looking into the face of your Savior.  Look at Him, imagine Him looking at you, and forget all of the lies this world would have you believe about yourself because to Him we are all exactly the same and we are all so very, very beautiful.  

Straighten up and fly right...

Today over on "Blissfully Jeanette" I talked about my correspondence with my dear Landon who is currently serving a mission in South Carolina and my sorrow in finding out that he didn't get my email today :(
Well the email that I received from him today was attached to the email that I sent him last week and in reading it again I decided to post some of the thoughts that I shared with him so that I would never forget them. So the following is an excerpt from my--

"Letters to Landon" (which may or may not become an on going feature on this here blog)...

...In the gospel doctrine lesson that Dad taught yesterday we read an account in Luke about a woman "which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself"

Later in the scripture it talks about how the ruler of the synagogue got all bent out of shape because Jesus had healed her on the sabbath and Jesus answered:

"...ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan hath bound, lo, these eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the sabbath day?"

Well this passage just leapt out at me as we read, "whom Satan hath bound" and I realized that so many of us (if not all of us) are not living the fullness of our missions here upon the earth because Satan has us bound in one way or another. He diminishes who we really are and we believe. The power of our God is so great that if we could only partly comprehend the magnitude of it we would be witnessing and participating in miracles every day of our lives. I know that I have fallen into this spirit of infirmity for far more than eighteen years and I desire so badly to be loosed from it. I take comfort from the words:

"And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her,Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.
And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God."

I am so ready to forsake the lies of the evil one. He has kept me under his deceiving thumb for far too long. I remember when the Spirit asked me a few years ago, "How long are you going to let the father of lies deceive you? How long are you going to let him tell you that you are less than you are?" I know that it is time for me to come unto Christ so completely that He might loose me from these bounds and make me whole that I might go forth and glorify God. I know that there is so much more to this life experience and that most of us just live our lives simply scratching the surface of it all. I want to do more and I know that I can do more through Christ Jesus who strengtheneth me.

After the Spirit asked me those questions some years ago, he then said, "Walk with boldness. You are a daughter of God and as a daughter of God you can do anything." Wow, what a promise. And I know that it is true. Because of our Savior and His infinite atonement, we can do anything. The promised blessings that await us are mind blowing. What an opportunity we have been given by a loving Father. Oh how I hope to live up to it...

And thus ends this installment of "Letters to Landon".
And now I must go, for there is much work to be done if I'm ever to become all that I desire to
be.